Fanny Howe

Fanny Howe [Lynn Christoffers]

from Fanny Howe's "Second Childhood in Poetry Magazine:

I decided to stop becoming an adult. That day I chose to blur facts, fail at tests, and slouch under a hood. School was my first testing ground. I misunderstood lessons, assignments, meanings of poems and stories, and misinterpreted the gestures of characters in novels. 
I was awestruck by geology but mixed up the ages of rocks. I stared and giggled, and refused to take orders and was punished.

Throughout my life I have remained vague and have accepted the humiliation it brought, almost as if stupefaction were a gift. I willfully repeat my mistakes over and over and never learn from experience.

Every day has been a threat to this attitude so I avoid obligations. For example, last night I dreamed I was on an airplane that was open to the sky and a storm was coming from a hive of stars, and I wanted to sit beside my daughter to watch the wind as we strapped ourselves tight to the invisible seats and stayed awake. If we had been grown-ups, we wouldn’t have been able to see the stars or the storm. We would have perished.

So my commitment to childhood has once again been affirmed.

Read the signs, not the authorities.

You might think I am just old but I have finally decided to make the decision to never grow up, and remain under my hood.

We are like tiny egos inside a great mountain of air. Pressed upon by the weight of ether, we can barely breathe.